Jerry, you need to find god
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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