I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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