Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
