Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
