Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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