I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
