I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
