Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
