To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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