you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
