I faked an abortion last night.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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