God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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