Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Just invented taco cereal.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
