One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize