Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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