Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
