happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
