Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
