so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I wish I only lived at night.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize