I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
