girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize