Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
