she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
