Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize