it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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