her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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