Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize