I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
