I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize