Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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