I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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