dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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