Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
