We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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