a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
