I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
