Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Congratulations! We have a period
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
