I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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