DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
40s are totally the cure
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize