I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
