he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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