Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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