who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
