you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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