i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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