We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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