He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
