you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
