I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
wow bdsm is so cute
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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