How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
