the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
