Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
