If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
