There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
