Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
