remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
