I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
She told me I should be a condom model.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
