It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I met the friendliest cop last night
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
