I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
