My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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